I just read over the last post I wrote back in March and can't believe the signs and hidden desires that one harbors inside themselves.
It has been a while since I've written on here. Lots has changed and hopefully, will continue for the better.
For one: I had started a new job as a receptionist in a Doctor's office in the area. All I can say is: never doing it again. The people, harsh moments and truths I encountered haunted me daily, even after I punched out at the end of the day. I think I came home and was in tears every single day for the first few weeks. I couldn't stand it. Our country's Health coverage and procedure disgusts me and makes me angry. And the system in which our Public Aid is distributed and monitored is also the biggest joke I have ever seen in action. Dozens upon dozens of disappointments and moments of frustration just kept piling on my plate and I was forced to swallow every bit of it.
You're not supposed to take your work home with you, I know. But, I did. I would come home and recount stories of DCFS caseworkers calling about that day's child in question who was being investigated for domestic abuse. Or then there was the family who came in who had just lost their home to foreclosure and were forced to move into a cramped little apartment with relatives till they knew their next game plan in life. They came in with tears, I smiled through mine and gave them whatever help I had within my power. All with a friendly smile if I could.
Then there was the poor 14 yr. old girl who had a terribly low blood count and was getting weaker and weaker by the day. She was in desperate need of a blood transfusion, but kept on being turned away due to 'laws' and protocol that refused to give such procedures to anyone under 18. And this was after having called all the hospitals in the area for help and understanding on the situation. Even her own assigned Hospital care provider through Public Aid, refused to give her blood. But, she was told she desperately and urgently needed it.
It's amazing. If you're unprivileged and make the least amount of money, you better pray to God that nothing actually goes wrong with you. Because if it does, you're royally screwed. I ended up taking the case on myself and investigated more into the situation and referred her out outside of the hospital network she belongs to. A big no no by our Hospital Corporates rules and standards. Supposedly, it was not allowed. But, I called out to Children's Memorial Hospital. After much red tape and conversations, they had accepted to take her in without having seen an Attending Doctor there. I'm so thankful my Attending doctor whom I worked for was so understanding and willing to accommodate to such a situation and write the referral. He most likely saved her life.
After a few months of seeing these cases and many more angering situations, the stress and tension headaches started. I think I went like 2 days straight without eating thanks to the nausea. I couldn't handle it. And, of course, my sugars were affected. 290. 250. 346. 390? 455?!? I couldn't do it any longer. After many days of talking to Nick and negotiating with my guilt filled mind, I decided to leave. I had to. I miss my co-workers and doctors immensely for the sense of family they created, but I couldn't take the environment, patients and Hospital Organization any longer. I had never been more grateful to my husband for his understanding and support.
Almost immediately, after my last day, I felt like a brand new woman.
I made a promise though. A promise that I plan on keeping with my whole heart and soul.
A promise to finally get healthy, for good. Working at the office made me go off my path. Healthy eating really isn't feasible when you have 1 hour to work with and dozens of Fast Food restaurants at your fingertips. So, I was ready to start over.
Step 1: cutting all portions down to almost minuscule.
Step 2: I started reading this incredible book that has changed my perception of food, life and coping. It's called Food, Women and God. One word. A-ha! Yes, that's my word. Because whenever I pick it up and finish a few pages, I can't help but say that word. It all just clicks in your head.
I think this was an Oprah Book Club feature, and I can see why. It will seriously change your life and outlook on Food and your inner spirit.
Step 3: NoOodle has become a good friend of mine. 0 Calories. 0 Carbs. Gluten Free. 0 Fat. The best pasta substitute I have ever seen and it tastes like whatever you cook it with. I love it. I don't know what I did before it. It was created by a Chef out of her restaurant in Highland Park, IL. I tried it there first a few months ago and LOVED it. Then, they have started distributing it all over the place, the past month. So happy! Hungry Girl is even basking in its greatness!
Step 4: My dream of becoming a runner/jogger has begun. I started taking a class at my health club that is focused on helping you learn the basics of jogging and running the 'right way.' I have a trainer who's helping me condition myself and learn technique on starting to run without the complications of getting hurt or injured. So far, my Wednesday night sessions have been interesting and challenging. I get 'homework assignments' to work on every week and I am determined to improve overall.
And who knew Running Shoes could be so cute?!?! Ha ha. When I went to get fitted for them at Running Away in Deerfield, IL. I was ecstatic! I think the Fitter was annoyed with me since I kept bouncing around each time I tried on another pair.
Finally, here's the kicker. This is all leading up to one goal. What I didn't know until the Trainer told me, was that all my training and running would lead up to Oct. 23rd. I thought to myself, "the end of class?" No. I was automatically signed up for a 5K Breast Cancer Run that day.
I am excited, nervous and determined all at once. Can I really do this?!?! Run a 5K?? I've never run in my life!!! I used to cheat on those Presidential Fitness Tests in Grade school... How do I manage this?!!?
For now, I'm starting my adventurous journey into achieving this incredible goal. I figure, if I can make this, then, I can achieve my Paris Chanel Adventure Goal. Someday.
I've already lost some weight and my sugars are incredible. It also helps that the carbs are being exed out of my daily meals as well.
All I can do is take one step forward and not look back. That's what running is all about, isn't it?
